Medically reviewed by Dr. David Stern, MD, Medical Director, board certified in addiction medicine. Last reviewed: November 1, 2026
Clinical content by Rhett Owensby, LCAS, LCMHC, CCSI, Clinical Director.
In most cases, you cannot make an adult go to treatment, and you cannot make them want help. But what you do still matters. Noticing the signs, talking calmly, setting clear boundaries, and having a plan ready can make it more likely that your loved one says yes, and help you act fast when they do.
If you or someone you love is in crisis, call or text 988. In an emergency, call 911. If you think someone has overdosed, call 911 right away.
Recognizing the signs that treatment may be needed
If someone you care about is showing worrying changes, it may be time to talk about treatment. Signs can include:
- Tolerance and risky behavior: needing more alcohol or drugs to feel the same effect, or doing dangerous things without concern for the results.
- Hiding use and memory problems: covering up use, or forgetting promises and events.
- Neglecting self care and responsibilities: health, hygiene, money, work, and relationships start to slip.
- Mood swings and isolation: sudden changes in mood, or pulling away from family and friends.
These signs do not make a diagnosis. A professional assessment can help sort out what is going on and what level of care fits.
“They have to want it.” Is that true?
Families often hear that nothing they do will make a difference. That can feel crushing. The truth is more hopeful. You cannot control another person’s choices, but your words and actions can shape the moment they decide to get help.
Support vs. enabling: what’s the difference?
It can be hard to tell when helping starts to hurt. Here is a simple way to think about it.
Support means caring for the person: – Telling them you love them and are worried – Offering to help them find treatment – Spending time together when they are sober – Noticing and praising positive steps
Enabling usually means shielding them from the results of their substance use: – Making excuses to work, family, or friends – Paying debts or bills caused by substance use – Cleaning up after a crisis so they never see it – Pretending things are fine
Stepping back from enabling is not the same as giving up. It is a way of letting your loved one see what is happening, while you stay ready to help them get care.
Boundaries that help
A boundary is about what you will do, not what you will make them do. Good boundaries are clear, calm, and something you can actually keep.
Examples: – “I won’t give you cash, but I will drive you to an appointment.” – “I’m not going to talk with you when you’ve been drinking. Let’s talk tomorrow morning.” – “If you use in the house, I will ask you to leave for the night.”
Choose a few you can follow through on. It is OK to start small.
Having the conversation
Choose a calm time when your loved one is sober. Tell them you care and that you are worried. Then talk about:
- How they see things. Ask whether they feel their use has become hard to manage, and whether they would be open to help.
- What treatment can offer. Treatment can teach coping skills, look at what is driving the substance use, and build a support system.
- Your role. Let them know you will support them during treatment and after.
- One next step. Ask if they would be willing to talk with someone on the phone.
What to say, and what to avoid
Try: – Pick a calm time when they are sober. – Use “I” statements: “I’m scared when you drive after drinking.” – Talk about specific things you have seen. – Listen more than you talk. – Offer one clear next step: “Would you be willing to talk with someone on the phone?”
Try to avoid: – Labels or shame words – Arguing when they are under the influence – Threats you will not carry out – Long lectures
If the conversation goes badly, that is OK. You can try again another day.
Should we do an intervention?
You may have seen surprise “confrontation” interventions on TV. Many families now look at gentler approaches. One is called CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training), which teaches family members positive communication, how to reward sober behavior, how to care for themselves, and when to suggest treatment. Researchers have studied CRAFT as a way to help families encourage a loved one to enter treatment (systematic review, PubMed; randomized trial, PubMed). No approach works every time, and that is not your fault.
For a full look at intervention options, read The North Carolina Guide to Addiction Interventions.
Can I force an adult into treatment in North Carolina?
Usually not. North Carolina has a legal process called involuntary commitment, but it is a last resort for people who may be a danger to themselves or others (NC DHHS). In an emergency, call 911. To learn how the process works, read Can You Force Someone Into Rehab in North Carolina? This is general information, not legal advice.
Choosing a treatment program
Treatment ranges from residential care, where a person lives on site, to outpatient programs, where they live at home and attend treatment during the week. When you compare programs, ask about:
- Licensing and accreditation
- Staff credentials
- How they treat mental health and substance use together
- What aftercare and family support look like
- Whether they take your insurance. We work with many major insurance plans; call to verify your benefits. You can also verify your insurance benefits online.
What if they say yes?
“Patients often ask me whether therapy will actually help. My honest answer is yes, but a lot of that depends on you. The most important thing you can do while you’re in our program is participate in the groups, ask questions, and be honest. …”
Dr. David Stern, MD, Medical Director, Southeastern Recovery Center (source)
Moments of willingness can pass quickly. Have a plan ready.
- Have the number ready. Save (704) 703-7774 in your phone. Our admissions team is available 24/7.
- Call together, if they agree. We can talk through what is going on and the next steps. If detox is needed, we can help arrange it at a partner facility.
- Have insurance info handy. A card or member ID helps. We work with many major insurance plans; call to verify your benefits. We do not accept Medicaid. You can also verify your insurance benefits online.
- Plan the basics. Rides, time off work, and child care.
- Don’t wait for the “perfect” time. If they are open today, call today.
If your loved one may go through withdrawal, especially from alcohol, benzodiazepines, or opioids, talk to a medical provider. Withdrawal can be dangerous.
What the path through care can look like
Every plan depends on the person. At our family-owned center, most clients typically follow a path like this: 1. Detox, if needed, at a partner detox facility we help arrange. 2. About 30 days of partial hospitalization (PHP) at Southeastern Recovery Center. 3. A step down to intensive outpatient (IOP), typically three sessions a week (day or evening options) for about 60 to 90 days.
Your loved one’s plan may look different after an assessment.
What admissions looks like
Admissions usually starts with a phone call. Our team asks about your loved one’s substance use and physical and mental health, explains how our program works, and talks through next steps. Next comes an assessment with a clinician, which may include a review of medical, mental health, and family history. There may be forms to sign, such as consent and release of information forms. Same day or next day admission is often possible, because willingness to start treatment can pass quickly.
Take care of yourself, too
Loving someone with a substance use disorder is exhausting. You deserve support whether or not they get help.
- Family groups like Al-Anon connect you with others who understand.
- SAMHSA’s resources for families offer tools for coping.
- The SAMHSA National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357, is free, confidential, and open 24/7.
More answers for families
- The North Carolina guide to addiction interventions
- Can you force someone into rehab in North Carolina?
- How to help an alcoholic son
- Living with an alcoholic spouse
- Support for families
Frequently asked questions
Can I force my adult loved one to go to rehab?
Usually not. In North Carolina, involuntary commitment is a legal last resort for people who may be a danger to themselves or others. For most families, calm conversations, clear boundaries, and support are the place to start.
What are signs my loved one may need treatment?
Common signs include needing more of a substance to feel the same effect, hiding or lying about use, pulling away from family and friends, neglecting work or self care, and sudden mood changes. A professional assessment can help sort out what level of care fits.
What is the difference between support and enabling?
Support means caring for the person and helping them find treatment. Enabling usually means protecting them from the results of their substance use, like making excuses or paying debts.
What is CRAFT?
CRAFT stands for Community Reinforcement and Family Training. It teaches family members positive communication, how to reward sober behavior, how to care for themselves, and when to suggest treatment.
What happens during admissions?
It usually starts with a phone call about your loved one’s substance use and health, followed by an assessment with a clinician. Same day or next day admission is often possible. Call (704) 703-7774, any time, day or night.
Do you accept Medicaid?
No. We do not accept Medicaid. The SAMHSA National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) and FindTreatment.gov can help you find options.
We’re here when you’re ready
You don’t need a perfect plan or the perfect words. If you want to talk through what is going on with your loved one, call Southeastern Recovery Center at (704) 703-7774, any time, day or night. We work with many major insurance plans; call to verify your benefits. We are at 470 Lake Concord Rd NE, Concord, NC 28025.
If you or someone you love is in crisis, call or text 988. In an emergency, call 911.
