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Is My Loved One Addicted? A Private Checklist for Families

Clinically reviewed by David Stern, MD, board certified in addiction medicine, Medical Director at Southeastern Recovery Center. Last reviewed: November 7, 2026

Clinical content by Rhett Owensby, LCAS, LCMHC, CCSI, Clinical Director.

If you or someone you love is in crisis, call or text 988. In an emergency, call 911.

Think someone may be overdosing? Call 911 right away. Signs include slow or stopped breathing, not waking up, and blue or gray lips or fingertips. Learn the three warning signs of an overdose. We encourage families to carry naloxone and know how to use it.

If you are worried that someone you love has a problem with alcohol or drugs, you are not alone, and it is not your fault. This free checklist can help you sort out what you are seeing. It takes about 3 minutes, and it is private.

You might be thinking about a spouse or partner, a parent, a brother or sister, or an adult son or daughter. The checklist works for any adult in your life. You answer yes or no about things you have noticed in the past year.

Nothing you choose here is sent to us or saved. The checklist runs only in your web browser.

Please read first: This checklist is for education only. It is not a diagnosis and does not replace an evaluation by a licensed professional. Only a professional who talks with your loved one can say whether they have a substance use disorder. Your answers stay in your browser. We do not see, save or send them. If you or someone you love is in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency.

The checklist: signs you may have noticed

There are 17 yes-or-no questions, one at a time. Think about the past 12 months. If you are not sure, choose “Not sure.” You can go back and change an answer at any time.

In the past year, has your loved one…

Drinking and drug use

1. In the past year, has your loved one drunk or used drugs more, or for longer, than they meant to?
2. In the past year, has your loved one said they wanted to cut down or stop, or tried to, but couldn't?
3. In the past year, has your loved one spent a lot of time drinking or using, being sick from it, or getting over it?
4. In the past year, has your loved one seemed to have strong cravings, as if they couldn't think about anything else until they could drink or use?
5. In the past year, has your loved one let drinking or drug use (or being sick from it) get in the way of home, family, work or school?
6. In the past year, has your loved one kept drinking or using even when it caused trouble with family or friends?
7. In the past year, has your loved one given up or cut back on things they used to enjoy so they could drink or use?
8. In the past year, has your loved one more than once done something risky while or after drinking or using, like driving, swimming or unsafe sex?
9. In the past year, has your loved one kept drinking or using even though it seemed to make them depressed or anxious, made a health problem worse, or led to memory blackouts?
10. In the past year, has your loved one needed more than before to get the same effect, or seemed less affected by their usual amount?
11. In the past year, has your loved one seemed shaky, sweaty, sick, restless or unable to sleep when the effects wore off?

Other changes you may have seen

12. In the past year, has your loved one started spending time with new friends, or pulled away from old ones?
13. In the past year, has your loved one stopped caring about how they look, or about basic things like showering?
14. In the past year, has your loved one had big changes in how they eat or sleep?
15. In the past year, has your loved one gotten into trouble at work, at school or with the law?
16. In the past year, has your loved one had money problems they can't explain, or had money or things go missing at home?
17. In the past year, has your loved one hidden their drinking or drug use, lied about it, or gotten angry or defensive when asked?

What your answers may mean

Your result shows here when you finish. It counts your “Yes” answers. “No” and “Not sure” do not count. This is a general guide, not a diagnosis.

You noticed a few signs (0 to 3 “Yes” answers)

You noticed a few signs, or none at all. That may be a relief. Still, even one or two signs can matter, and you know your loved one better than any checklist does. NIAAA says any of these signs may be cause for concern (NIAAA).

If you picked “Not sure” a lot, that is common. Families often see only part of the picture. Keep paying attention, and trust what you notice.

Some next steps:

  • Talk when things are calm. Choose a time when your loved one is sober and you are not upset. Say what you have seen, using “I” statements, like “I’ve noticed you seem really tired after weekends, and I’m worried.”
  • Listen more than you talk. You don’t have to solve anything in one conversation.
  • Take care of yourself too. The “How are you doing?” section below is for you.

You noticed several signs (4 or more “Yes” answers)

You noticed several signs. That can be hard to see in someone you love. It does not mean your loved one is a bad person, and it does not mean you did something wrong. Addiction is a medical condition that changes the brain, and it can be treated (NIDA). NIAAA notes that the more signs there are, the more urgent the need for change (NIAAA).

This is a good time to get support, for them and for you. Some next steps:

If they drink heavily every day, or use opioids or sedatives like benzodiazepines, stopping all at once can be dangerous. Withdrawal from alcohol can be life-threatening, and stopping some medicines suddenly can cause seizures (NIAAA) (NIDA). Encourage them to talk to a doctor before they quit. Our team can help arrange medical detox through our partner facilities.

You noticed signs of withdrawal. Stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Please encourage your loved one to talk to a doctor before they quit.

Worried about someone? You can call even if they are not ready. (704) 452-4985

We work with many major insurance plans; call to verify your benefits. Detox/Rehab May Be Fully Covered: check your insurance.

Wondering about your own drinking? Families sometimes start asking questions about themselves too. Is it my own drinking? Take the alcohol quiz.

This checklist is for education only. It is not a diagnosis and does not replace an evaluation by a licensed professional. Your answers stay in your browser. We do not see, save or send them. If you or someone you love is in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency.

Adapted from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) and the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). This checklist is not a validated screening test.

For parents of young adults (18 and older)

Southeastern Recovery Center treats adults 18 and older. If your son or daughter is a young adult, some signs can look a little different. They may live away at school, or still live at home while working. You may also have less say in their choices than you used to.

Signs parents of young adults often notice include:

These changes can also come from stress, depression, anxiety or other problems (NIDA). That is one more reason to talk about it gently and get a professional opinion.

Your adult child makes their own medical decisions, and their health information is private. You can still share what you have seen, ask how they are doing, and offer to help them find care. You can also call us for guidance as a parent.

Our medical director sees a common pattern in 18- and 19-year-olds:

“In the younger population, we more often see binge drinking (weekends, specific parties) than continuous drinking.”

David Stern, MD, Medical Director, Southeastern Recovery Center

If your child is under 18: we do not treat minors. If your child is in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency. Otherwise, a good first step is to talk with your child’s pediatrician or school counselor. You can also call the free, confidential SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 to find local help.

How are you doing?

Loving someone who drinks too much or uses drugs is hard. Many family members slowly stop taking care of themselves. These questions are just for you. There is no score, and there are no right answers.

If you said yes to any of these, you are not failing. You are carrying a lot. Some of these habits, like covering or paying for problems, are often called enabling. They usually come from love, but they can make it easier for the drinking or drug use to keep going. Small changes, like letting a natural consequence happen, can help both of you.

It may also help to understand why your loved one can’t “just stop.” Read about the 4 C’s of addiction: craving, loss of control, compulsion and consequences.

You deserve support whether or not your loved one gets help. Learn about family support for addiction at Southeastern Recovery Center.

How families fit into treatment at Southeastern Recovery Center

Substance use disorders are treatable, and people do recover (NIDA). Families can play a big part.

“To the extent (depending on the case) that the patient is around family, they can have a huge impact on the patient’s behavior – positive or negative.”

David Stern, MD, Medical Director, Southeastern Recovery Center

At Southeastern Recovery Center in Concord, near Charlotte, care usually follows these steps:

  1. Detox, if needed. Our team helps arrange medical detox through our partner facilities.
  2. Partial hospitalization (PHP). Treatment most of the day, usually for about 30 days, while your loved one lives at home. Our PHP includes family involvement throughout treatment.
  3. Intensive outpatient (IOP). Three sessions a week, with day or evening options, for about 2 to 3 months.

“If the family is supportive, family involvement is very positive.”

“The role of a partner is critical and requires support.”

David Stern, MD, Medical Director, Southeastern Recovery Center

We are open 24/7 for admissions calls. You can call to ask questions, learn what treatment looks like, or check insurance, even if your loved one has not agreed to anything yet.

Frequently asked questions

Can I call if my loved one doesn't want help?

Yes. You can call our admissions team even if your loved one is not ready. We can listen, answer your questions and talk through ways to approach them. Many families call first, before their loved one is ready to talk.

What if my loved one is under 18?

Southeastern Recovery Center treats adults 18 and older. If your child is in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency. Otherwise, start by talking with your child's pediatrician or school counselor. The free SAMHSA National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357, can also help you find local care.

Is this checklist a diagnosis?

No. This checklist is for education only. It can help you organize what you have noticed, but only a licensed professional who talks with your loved one can diagnose a substance use disorder.

What is enabling?

Enabling means doing things that make it easier for someone's drinking or drug use to continue, often without meaning to. Examples include covering for missed work, making excuses or paying for problems their use has caused. It usually comes from love. Family support can help you find ways to care for your loved one without making the problem easier.

Are my answers private?

Yes. The checklist runs only in your web browser. We do not see, save or send your answers or your result. Nothing is stored after you leave the page, and we never ask for your name, email or phone number to see results.

Sources

About the reviewer

David Stern, MD is the Medical Director at Southeastern Recovery Center. He is board certified in addiction medicine and holds an active North Carolina medical license. He earned his medical degree from Columbia University and has more than 40 years in practice.